conviction

My son is sick. And whiney. And sick.

He is sick and acting out. And I am tired. I have a standard for him- he cannot act out, throw fits, or be mean just because he is sick and doesn’t feel good. Yes there is grace for our children when they don’t feel good and we should try to understand them, but I can’t let him use this as a golden ticket to get his own way and rule the world.

This is where he learns self control.

This is where he learns that he is cherished, yes. That he is my treasure, yes. That I thank God for him many times a day, yes. But he is NOT the center of the world.

If he doesn’t learn these lessons now, when they are easier to learn, and involve so much LESS pain than to learn them later in life, how will he become a responsible adult? How will he walk through life without alienating people? How will he be a good steward of what God has blessed him with? How will he be a walking example of Christ?

It hurts my heart to discipline him. It breaks my heart when I make him cry. But it is my responsibility. He was entrusted to me to teach and raise. I do him and my Lord a disservice if I let him get away with selfish behavior. My son has a gentle and tender heart, full of goodness and love. It shines from his eyes. It comes out in his words. But he also has a WILL. He wants to do what HE wants to do. I must help him keep that beautiful heart uncluttered, and not let it become buried in sin and acts of selfishness. He must obey. He must submit his will to mine. In doing this he learns to submit his will to God. It’s amazing that that is the lesson he is learning now, at the age of 2 years and 10 months, and he doesn’t even know it. And I often forget it!
I hold a standard for him. And here’s the kicker- DO I ALSO HOLD THAT STANDARD FOR MYSELF???

Do I allow myself to be mean or short with others when I am sick, tired, or just out of sorts? Do I allow myself to get away with selfishness? Do I sin by reacting to my son instead of acting like the adult and being the adult?

Oh the responsibility!

How can I possible maintain a standard for him if I don’t model it for him? If I let myself get away with things because “I’m the parent”?

And oh my how that dominoes. What other standards do I hold for him that I don’t hold for myself?

Oh dear.