Transparency and Grace

I am LOVING the book "The Grace Awakening" by Charles Swindoll right now. I've almost finished it, and it is a powerful, yet easy, read.

I feel the Lord is creating such a unique perspective for me, a unique view of life. David Platt's book "Radical" is exactly what it's title states. The Lord spoke to me a lot through that book. But combining those teachings with Chuck Swindoll's Grace Awakening is a whole different flavor.

Isn't it interesting the journeys God takes us on?

I'm going to try to be more transparent here on my blog. I sometimes avoid posting because I don't know what to say or am afraid to share the dirt of real life. But that's what life is, it's real! Too real sometimes! :)

I don't know if you remember how I wrote about a time of sickness in 2009, and how the Lord very graciously healed me, and then in His love, blessed us with a healthy pregnancy and child. All glory goes to him for that. Because of that time of healing I was able to carry and birth baby MnM. Praise the Lord!

Well, here is my transparency today...ever since I had our little one my stomach problems have been coming back and getting worse again. I am afraid to tell people because I feel like I have to defend God, because he DID heal me in 2009, or sound like a quack. But I don't have to defend God, do I? He is God, for heavens sake! He can defend himself! I giggle at myself for my knee-jerk reaction of defending God. If He felt the need to step in and stand up for himself, I am sure he would!

So, here I am. Blessed abundantly with darling MnM, LaLa, and Dear Son. Confident in the work the Lord did in 2009, and not quite understanding why we are walking through a similar scenario. But I am so grateful that I get to start where I left off before, with a depth of relationship with the Lord that was cultivated during a very hard time, and I know that He holds me and guides me. And loves me!

I'm going to be posting some of my prayer journal entries on here as the days go by, because I feel led to share and be transparent with whoever reads this, trusting that God will use it as He wants to.

Do you struggle with transparency?

Ugh. Ok, here we go. I have these stomach issues that seem to be food related. (I am an information nut, and have researched them like crazy, gone to the Dr, allergist, and am seeing a naturopath) I can't seem to make it through the day without ending up nauseous and bloated (like, I look like I'm pregnant bloated), with, ahem, other issues also. It can discourage me and make me feel defeated at times. I try to stand strong, and to watch what I eat, trying to minimize the impact of food. But, some days a girl just needs SOMETHING, and a craving for something normal gets me, I eat it, and my issues get way worse. So then I get in this cycle of defeat. Bah.

Here is what I do know right now as I am waiting on some test results that will tell me more...I know I am allergic, with a genuine allergy to soy, almonds, hazelnut, and cherries. These are somehow commonly connected to various springtime airborne allergies. But these affect my stomach big time. I am also avoiding gluten because it gives me major problems. That cuts out the majority of food out there!

That is just my basic rundown for ya, I'm not going to bore you with more, because honestly, I could write a book on it. But I don't wanna. Humph.

I am just giving a little foundation for this transparency thing, because a lot of what I share will stem from this situation.

I am thankful for it though. It brings me to my knees and into the arms of God, it drives me to seek Him more, to search for Him, to find Him. It makes me realize how much I want to KNOW Him. Really truly. Not just to be a well behaved Christian. Not even to stop at spending time daily with Him and in the Bible. I. Want. Him. I want total immersion. I want life abundant. I want...everything.

So, here is my entry today, as I sit on my bed and gather my thoughts.
.........
Sunday 8:32pm

Heavenly Father, you know I am in a place of utter weakness right now. You know today was a hard day. Please forgive me for my short temper, loud voice, immature words and wrong choices. I thank you that my sins are wiped away, and that right now, I am clean. I am not judged by my shortcomings or failings, in fact, you can't even see them on me. You see me as I am made to be, you see me clothed in righteousness and success. You see beauty and strength, courage and faith, goodness and ability.
...........

I don't really get how He sees me like that, but that is what His word says, so I plan on figuring it out and letting it seep into me and transform my view of myself!

Thanks for sticking with me in this post today. I'm going to tack a picture on the end here just to say hi.

Hi!!!! :) that's me with baby MnM all moby wrapped and snuggly early in January. Alright, baby fussing (she has a cold) and bedtime calling.

Till tomorrow!
- just megs